


permanence

by eotteokeos



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Light Angst, M/M, PLEASE READ NOTES BEFORE READING!!!!!!!!!!!!, fluff??? not really??? idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-29 03:32:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17800289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eotteokeos/pseuds/eotteokeos
Summary: And then he was angry, frustrated, disheartened.





	permanence

**Author's Note:**

> !!!!!!!!! TRIGGER WARNING !!!!!!!!!!
> 
> > Anxiety  
> > Over thinking

 

Jihoon closes his eyes before opening it back up again, staring at the ceiling. He’s been doing this for one, two hours.

 

Truthfully, he doesn’t know.

 

All he knows is there’s a feeling of dread in his gut and his brain hasn’t been letting himself sleep. He knows he should, they have early morning practices tomorrow. He _should_ , his body was aching everywhere and his calves felt sore and he was craving for food and worried about his figure at the same time.

 

And yet here he was.

 

Staring at the ceiling, in the brink of a breakdown, overthinking, and making himself dread for what was to come.

 

The end was near.

 

It was inevitable. He knew this the moment he agreed to his friend to join the competition. He knew this the moment he started to enjoy training with everyone, getting to know people, gaining new friends.

 

Still, he craves for more.

 

He was sad at first, everyone was. He’d heard Minhyun talking to Jisung over the phone one evening when he was walking to the bathroom. How much the four day concert was a mental torture for them.

 

And then he was angry, frustrated, disheartened. They were at their peak, they were one of the groups who made it big—their friendship, the joy, sadness, and tiring events they shared in that 1.5 years had so much more meaning than the trophies they’ve won.

 

Sure, he was happy about Maroo asking for his opinion on almost everything, taking considerations of what he preferred. Something he wasn't used to.

 

But he was still worried. Angry. Frustrated. Anxious.

 

Would the fans forget them? Will they be able to stand on the same stage again? All eleven of them? Will they even have time to talk to each other? Will they still talk to him?

 

It was stupid. His thoughts were stupid. He knew wannables wouldn’t forget them—some would, yes, but that was just the part of life. Idolising a group comes and goes. Like they did, he guesses.

 

Of course, they would still talk to each other given their free time and of course, they would still talk to him.

 

But of course, there was also no assurance to that.

 

And his mind had random bouts of over thinking. Like now for example. A first time since the last few days of the final episode.

 

Cringing, he tastes the iron on his lips, only noticing how hard he was biting and how wet his temples are with the streams of tears.

 

It was scary, feeling this way. Like he’s drowning but he’s also not. Like he lives his life on the line, thinking of the many things that aren’t permanent in his life.

 

and so he cries. He lets a sob out, his body shaking. Thankfully, woojin had fallen asleep on the couch when they arrived or else he would have been worried for how long he’d been crying, how hard his breathing was.

 

He barely hears the hurried footsteps and the door closing when he feels someone rubbing circles on his back and whispering his name so gently. “It’s alright,” Jihoon hears, “It’s alright. We’re here.” He doesn’t stop crying and only sobs harder, louder.

 

It takes him a couple of minutes that felt like hours when he finally calms down, all the while feeling soothing carresses on his back and whispers of everything’s going to be okay.

 

Jihoon had always admired him.

 

The first time he’d seen him, he was a bit intimated—scared even to approach the guy, his pink hair contrasting his arms. And then come a week later and Jihoon felt like he’d met his best friend—other than Woojin and Kwon Hyeop, of course, as cheesy and cringy it was. They were still Jihoon’s first and second best friend—someone who didn’t notice the walls Jihoon had built. He’d bulldozed into his life and wrecked Jihoon’s perfectly lined path into a mess of colour and passion.

 

It was probably during get ugly practices that he’d finally caved in to the demon. Admitting to himself and Woojin that, perhaps, he had a _bit_ of a crush towards their resident sunshine. And maybe he’d blushed a couple of times, ran away when he was in the vicinity, and laughed a little too loudly when he’d make a joke but it was all worth it when he’d pulled jihoon in one of the empty practice rooms without prying cameras and asked if he was avoiding him. (“I’m not” “You are!”) and it ended with him blurting out a mess of cusses and _i like you_.

 

Daniel had laughed then. And Daniel laughs to this day whenever he gets the chance to retell the members of that embarrassing episode. A telltale fondness in his voice and the loving gaze he gives Jihoon. Jihoon remembers Daniel vividly laughing before lightly pressing his lips on his cheek.

 

Maybe that was why he was worried too. Maybe this—whatever this was—wasn’t permanent too.

 

What if it wasn’t?

 

_What if it was?_

 

The members were always there for him, yes. Giving him space whenever he feels on the edge. But Daniel was there the moment he’d started over thinking and crying at the pressure he’d put on himself. Daniel was there when he’d first broke down at 4am in one of the practice rooms, feeling like crying all day and finally letting himself cave in when he’d thought everyone was asleep.

 

Daniel was one of the few people he’d let soothe his back—his mom and Jisung included.

 

“I’m sorry.” He croaks out, wiping the tears still rolling down his temple. He probably looked like a mess. “I’m just worried…” Daniel nods, wiping his cheeks with his thumb. “It’s okay.” He moves closer, their foreheads colliding. Jihoon closes his eyes and feels Daniel’s lips on his. “It’s okay. Everything’s okay.”

 

Maybe everything wasn’t permanent—the contract, his thoughts, over thinking.

 

But he was sure their friendship and bond were, they were trainees, acquaintances, colleagues, members, and family.

 

And that’s all that matters.

**Author's Note:**

> i've been feeling a little anxious and idk how else to channel my inner turmoil but to to put it into words so here i am!! Totally made this in like 30 mins, don't judge. This is the first time i've written anything under 1.5k and it feels freeing omg


End file.
